How being stalked effects my children

The worst part of being stalked is having kids, and how it effects my kids.

My stalkers live next door. They have a clear view of our home and most of our yard.

For as long as my youngest son remembers, they have lived there. He doesn't remember not knowing them. My children considered them friends.

When I had to explain to my children that "they are no longer our friends" they looked so confused. They are young, they have never lost a friend like that. They didn't understand.

I don't allow my children outside to play in our own yard anymore. They are very active, lively little boys. They understand why they can't go outside, though I don't think they fully understand. They don't ask as much anymore now. They know I'll take them to the play ground every chance I get. But we can't go to their favorite playground because it's too secluded. That used to be why I like it-no bad bully kids to deal with because no one uses the playground much. Now I refuse to go there.

Now, I'd much prefer to deal with a bully child at a playground. At least then I don't fear my children's lives.

My youngest son is having a hard time. He is scared. He flipped out the other day when I opened the blinds to let the sunlight in. He started crying and telling me to close them because they could see them.

They both go hide in the closet now. If I go out to walk the dog or check the mail and they don't go with me, I comein to find them in my closet. And not just in the closet, but hidden under piles of pillows, covers and clothes.

Normally, I would scold them for pulling clothes off the hanger, taking laundry that is waiting to be folded in there or taking the pillows off y bed in there. But I don't now. If mama and daddy's pillows making a wall around them make them feel safe, then so be it. They can take the pillows off my bed every day-I'll put them back every night.

My youngest is scared. I asked him. Some nights he stays up late, others he crashes out before dinner, because of lack of sleep the other nights. My husband carries him to bed.

My oldest is actually handling quite well to be so young. I am so proud of the young man he has become. He's so protective of his little brother. And sometimes he'll ask his father or I if we can just talk to them and explain things so they won't be mad anymore.

We have something of theirs at our house, that they left months ago. My oldest asked if we should take it back to them.

I love how children see the world. So simple. The world would be a much better place if we would all look at things through a  child's eyes sometimes. We adults complicate things sometimes.

Veiled threats and talking smack aren't near as effective as simply talking things out with whoever you have a problem with...of course, this is not an option for us, but I wish it were.

It angers me to see adults act like bullies. Bullies are nasty people. I don't know many parents that wouldn't move the world to try and protect their child from a bully. Most parents agree bullying in our schools are wrong and should have severe punishment. Then adults go and try to bully other adults rather than act like adults and talk things out or just say 'hey I'm mad, I don't like you anymore, let's just ignore each other'

The kids are fighting with each other constantly. I think it's just the constant state of tension in the house. Even my husband has become short with me. We're all feeling the pressure.

As much as I want to say it isn't effecting me or my family...it is. As much as I would like to go about our lives like normal, we just can't. It wouldn't be safe.

I feel like it's my fault for talking to my kids, but I know it's for their own safety that they must be prepared to know what to do rather than not having a clue what to do if something were to happen.

They know to call 911 in case of an emergency. They've been told that if we have to leave in a hurry not to cry if I start driving before they are both buckled up, to just buckle up as quickly as they can as I drive. (we're strict about safety, if I move the car an inch before they are buckled up they start yelling at me that they aren't buckled yet)

It angers me that my children no longer feel 100% safe in our own home. I have worked hard to offer my children a nice home, a stable environment and a safe refuge. That's all gone now. In the blink of an eye.

I'm tired all the time, I hurt all over from lack of sleep and from constantly getting up and patrolling my home to make sure it is safe.  I investigate every sound, and routinely check the locks and make sure the door alarms are on. I walk around and peep out each window to look out and make sure nothing is amiss around our home. Every time the dog's ears perk up I look around to see what he heard. It's taking it's toll on me.

Lord, give me strength! Give me the strength to get through this! Help me to be strong for my husband and children. Help us to feel safe in our own home. Protect my children's innocence. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

We are good parents. We don't beat our kids. We don't call them names. We don't abuse them. There are lots of hugs and kisses here in our home. There is lots of love and laughter in our home. These things are important to me. My children get lots of hugs and kisses and always have. They get told how awesome they are daily. How handsome, how cute, how smart, how talented, how great they are. My husband and I have a loving relationship. We have friends and family over often. We have family movie night and family game night and family outings regularly. They have always had a nice, warm, loving, clean home where all their needs, and most of their wants, are met. After all of that, they should feel safe.

Laughter has been replaced by listening. Security has been replaced by patrolling. Safety has been replaced by tension. No one should have to live like that, especially not a child....

But our stalkers have stolen so much from us. And I don't know if we'll ever get it back. Can you get back lost innocence?


Love in Christ, Joy

How Stalking Changes Your Life

Being stalked is scary. But you wouldn't believe how much it changes your life. Changes your days, changes your routines, changes your life.

I'm constantly on alert. I never rest. Never relax. Ever. I can't. I fear if I do, that is when they will strike.

I listen, listen for cars to drive by, for the dog to bark, for sounds that shouldn't be there that might warn me of impending danger. Hoping that if I listen closely, I'll hear something, anything might might give us a warning so I can protect my children.

We don't leave the house anymore unless we have to. I know it's silly, and yes, my family does come first, but I also fear destruction of property. In this economy, we've been effected like everyone else, we live paycheck to paycheck.  We could not afford to replace every window in our house.

My biggest fear is that they will set our house on fire.....with us in it.

My children are scared. I'm trying to protect them form all the ugliness, but, I can't protect them from everything. You just can't put your kids in a bubble and protect them from all the hurt and heartbreak and ugliness in the world...but this is beyond that even, my children no longer feel safe in their own home.

I often catch my children hiding in my closet, under piles of clothing and pillows.

I'm trying very hard not to scare them, but make them aware of what they need to be aware of. I had to tell them "They are not our friends anymore" I don't let them play in one end of the house while I am in the other end of the house. I keep them close, because they are so young, I'm constantly ready to run them out the door to the car so we can speed away to safety if we need to.

I won't wear my skirts and dresses anymore. I must have pockets so I can always have my keys, cell and home phone on me.

The home phone is so I can dial 911 and even if I can't tell them the problem, I can throw the phone down and run or fight to protect myself and my family and they can tell where I am and come help. The keys and cell is so I can get my children out of the house and dial 911 and have a cop meet me somewhere safe.

I have an emergency bag ready to grab if I can as I head out the door.

I sleep on the couch instead of in my bed with my husband. I sleep with the phone in my hand so I won't have to search for the phone in the dark if they decide to attack us at night as we sleep....

Try as I might to not let them have this power, I can not live my life as if we are not being stalked. I have to live my life prepared. Knowing that it's more likely than normal that at any moment I will have a nanosecond to decide what to do to keep my family safe.

Yeah. It's that bad. It really is.

I am not over-reacting or just paranoid. I do not feel safe giving details though, because I am scared if I give too many details they will find this blog and have yet another window to look into my life.

I am living in a constant state of 'fight or flight' and it's not fun.

Source

Please pray for my family. Pray for our safety and protection. Pray the judge will keep the restraining orders in place when we go to court. Please pray for the ugliness that is festering in my heart toward my stalkers. Please pray for my children, that they may feel safe in their own home at all times.

And, this is hard to type and I struggle hard EVERY DAY to do it myself, but please, pray for my stalkers. Sometimes it takes me a whole 15 to spit out the words 'Dear Lord, please soften their hearts and draw them to you.' But I pray it every day. It hurts me that it it so hard for me to say that small, simple prayer for a fellow human.....

Love in Christ, Joy

The reason for this blog

In an effort to protect my family, I am starting a new blog, one that will not use our real names or photos that can be used to identify us. It saddens me to have to do this, but due to a real life stalker I have to. My family comes first.

Source

I am starting this blog as I tie up some lose ends on my old blog on the business side of things.

Having someone watch you is...creepy. It's very unsettling. You are always paranoid, always looking over your shoulder, always afraid someone is watching...following..invading your privacy. Basically, it sucks.

I feel like a prisoner in my own home. My. Own. Home. I feel like it's not even mine anymore. And it makes me angry. Very angry.

I feel out of control. Like my stalker is running my life. And, to stay inside the law, I am powerless to stop it. It's like being on a runaway train, speeding down the tracks, headed for a train wreck, you know how it will end, you know it won't be pretty, but you can't stop it.

I fear everything now. I won't allow my own children to play in our own yard. I dont' live in a 'bad neighborhood'. I live out in the country on a little dirt road where everyone knows everyone and has for their whole lives. I was so excited when we bought our home. It's a modest, triple wide mobile home. It's nothing fancy, but we have made a very nice home here to raise our boys in. And these horrible people have taken that from us.

I no longer trust anyone. In a small town, you can't. Everyone knows everyone else. If you don't want the whole town to know, you don't say anything to anybody.

I have deleted all of my facebook friends, only family and a handful of friends from high school remain on my 'friends' list. I will be deleting my blog soon, the blog I have poured my heart and soul into. My beautiful, self-hosted WordPress blog that has many months hosting already paid for, many followers, great numbers that I worked hard to get to, 500+ twitter followers.....all must be wlaked away from in an effort to protect my family.

I don't even want to mention the ugliness that is festering in my heart toward these people who have taken my home from me. Who have taken a yard to run and play in from my sons. Who have taken sleep from my nights. Who have taken that feeling of security that should envelop a child as they are in their own home. Who  have taken so much that I feel is so important and that my husband and I have worked so hard to build and provide for our children.

I am struggling with whether to just ride it out with my mouth shut and let all their veiled threats roll off like water down a ducks back....or whether to fight fire with fire and call the cops to report each little incident. Weather to keep my kids inside and safe-and take them to the playground in the park to play, or weather to 'risk it' and let them play in their own yard, because it is OUR YARD!

I want to blog and post lots of pictures and videos of my beautiful sons. I want to share my trials and triumphs with my readers. I want to connect with other moms like me. But for now, I must use made up nicknames, public domain photos, and write generic posts that they can't use to identify us with to get a further glimpse into our lives than they already have living right next door and watching us constantly.

I'm really not sure what else to say....