How being stalked effects my children

The worst part of being stalked is having kids, and how it effects my kids.

My stalkers live next door. They have a clear view of our home and most of our yard.

For as long as my youngest son remembers, they have lived there. He doesn't remember not knowing them. My children considered them friends.

When I had to explain to my children that "they are no longer our friends" they looked so confused. They are young, they have never lost a friend like that. They didn't understand.

I don't allow my children outside to play in our own yard anymore. They are very active, lively little boys. They understand why they can't go outside, though I don't think they fully understand. They don't ask as much anymore now. They know I'll take them to the play ground every chance I get. But we can't go to their favorite playground because it's too secluded. That used to be why I like it-no bad bully kids to deal with because no one uses the playground much. Now I refuse to go there.

Now, I'd much prefer to deal with a bully child at a playground. At least then I don't fear my children's lives.

My youngest son is having a hard time. He is scared. He flipped out the other day when I opened the blinds to let the sunlight in. He started crying and telling me to close them because they could see them.

They both go hide in the closet now. If I go out to walk the dog or check the mail and they don't go with me, I comein to find them in my closet. And not just in the closet, but hidden under piles of pillows, covers and clothes.

Normally, I would scold them for pulling clothes off the hanger, taking laundry that is waiting to be folded in there or taking the pillows off y bed in there. But I don't now. If mama and daddy's pillows making a wall around them make them feel safe, then so be it. They can take the pillows off my bed every day-I'll put them back every night.

My youngest is scared. I asked him. Some nights he stays up late, others he crashes out before dinner, because of lack of sleep the other nights. My husband carries him to bed.

My oldest is actually handling quite well to be so young. I am so proud of the young man he has become. He's so protective of his little brother. And sometimes he'll ask his father or I if we can just talk to them and explain things so they won't be mad anymore.

We have something of theirs at our house, that they left months ago. My oldest asked if we should take it back to them.

I love how children see the world. So simple. The world would be a much better place if we would all look at things through a  child's eyes sometimes. We adults complicate things sometimes.

Veiled threats and talking smack aren't near as effective as simply talking things out with whoever you have a problem with...of course, this is not an option for us, but I wish it were.

It angers me to see adults act like bullies. Bullies are nasty people. I don't know many parents that wouldn't move the world to try and protect their child from a bully. Most parents agree bullying in our schools are wrong and should have severe punishment. Then adults go and try to bully other adults rather than act like adults and talk things out or just say 'hey I'm mad, I don't like you anymore, let's just ignore each other'

The kids are fighting with each other constantly. I think it's just the constant state of tension in the house. Even my husband has become short with me. We're all feeling the pressure.

As much as I want to say it isn't effecting me or my family...it is. As much as I would like to go about our lives like normal, we just can't. It wouldn't be safe.

I feel like it's my fault for talking to my kids, but I know it's for their own safety that they must be prepared to know what to do rather than not having a clue what to do if something were to happen.

They know to call 911 in case of an emergency. They've been told that if we have to leave in a hurry not to cry if I start driving before they are both buckled up, to just buckle up as quickly as they can as I drive. (we're strict about safety, if I move the car an inch before they are buckled up they start yelling at me that they aren't buckled yet)

It angers me that my children no longer feel 100% safe in our own home. I have worked hard to offer my children a nice home, a stable environment and a safe refuge. That's all gone now. In the blink of an eye.

I'm tired all the time, I hurt all over from lack of sleep and from constantly getting up and patrolling my home to make sure it is safe.  I investigate every sound, and routinely check the locks and make sure the door alarms are on. I walk around and peep out each window to look out and make sure nothing is amiss around our home. Every time the dog's ears perk up I look around to see what he heard. It's taking it's toll on me.

Lord, give me strength! Give me the strength to get through this! Help me to be strong for my husband and children. Help us to feel safe in our own home. Protect my children's innocence. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

We are good parents. We don't beat our kids. We don't call them names. We don't abuse them. There are lots of hugs and kisses here in our home. There is lots of love and laughter in our home. These things are important to me. My children get lots of hugs and kisses and always have. They get told how awesome they are daily. How handsome, how cute, how smart, how talented, how great they are. My husband and I have a loving relationship. We have friends and family over often. We have family movie night and family game night and family outings regularly. They have always had a nice, warm, loving, clean home where all their needs, and most of their wants, are met. After all of that, they should feel safe.

Laughter has been replaced by listening. Security has been replaced by patrolling. Safety has been replaced by tension. No one should have to live like that, especially not a child....

But our stalkers have stolen so much from us. And I don't know if we'll ever get it back. Can you get back lost innocence?


Love in Christ, Joy