How Stalking Changes Your Life

Being stalked is scary. But you wouldn't believe how much it changes your life. Changes your days, changes your routines, changes your life.

I'm constantly on alert. I never rest. Never relax. Ever. I can't. I fear if I do, that is when they will strike.

I listen, listen for cars to drive by, for the dog to bark, for sounds that shouldn't be there that might warn me of impending danger. Hoping that if I listen closely, I'll hear something, anything might might give us a warning so I can protect my children.

We don't leave the house anymore unless we have to. I know it's silly, and yes, my family does come first, but I also fear destruction of property. In this economy, we've been effected like everyone else, we live paycheck to paycheck.  We could not afford to replace every window in our house.

My biggest fear is that they will set our house on fire.....with us in it.

My children are scared. I'm trying to protect them form all the ugliness, but, I can't protect them from everything. You just can't put your kids in a bubble and protect them from all the hurt and heartbreak and ugliness in the world...but this is beyond that even, my children no longer feel safe in their own home.

I often catch my children hiding in my closet, under piles of clothing and pillows.

I'm trying very hard not to scare them, but make them aware of what they need to be aware of. I had to tell them "They are not our friends anymore" I don't let them play in one end of the house while I am in the other end of the house. I keep them close, because they are so young, I'm constantly ready to run them out the door to the car so we can speed away to safety if we need to.

I won't wear my skirts and dresses anymore. I must have pockets so I can always have my keys, cell and home phone on me.

The home phone is so I can dial 911 and even if I can't tell them the problem, I can throw the phone down and run or fight to protect myself and my family and they can tell where I am and come help. The keys and cell is so I can get my children out of the house and dial 911 and have a cop meet me somewhere safe.

I have an emergency bag ready to grab if I can as I head out the door.

I sleep on the couch instead of in my bed with my husband. I sleep with the phone in my hand so I won't have to search for the phone in the dark if they decide to attack us at night as we sleep....

Try as I might to not let them have this power, I can not live my life as if we are not being stalked. I have to live my life prepared. Knowing that it's more likely than normal that at any moment I will have a nanosecond to decide what to do to keep my family safe.

Yeah. It's that bad. It really is.

I am not over-reacting or just paranoid. I do not feel safe giving details though, because I am scared if I give too many details they will find this blog and have yet another window to look into my life.

I am living in a constant state of 'fight or flight' and it's not fun.

Source

Please pray for my family. Pray for our safety and protection. Pray the judge will keep the restraining orders in place when we go to court. Please pray for the ugliness that is festering in my heart toward my stalkers. Please pray for my children, that they may feel safe in their own home at all times.

And, this is hard to type and I struggle hard EVERY DAY to do it myself, but please, pray for my stalkers. Sometimes it takes me a whole 15 to spit out the words 'Dear Lord, please soften their hearts and draw them to you.' But I pray it every day. It hurts me that it it so hard for me to say that small, simple prayer for a fellow human.....

Love in Christ, Joy